My Photo
Location: Kansas City, Missouri, United States

Doing my part to irritate Republicans, fundamentalists, bigots and other lower life forms.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Baptist 'parking lot ministry' aims at saving homo-seck-shuls

News item from Oklahoma City: An executive committee member of the Southern Baptist Convention was arrested on a lewdness charge for propositioning a plainclothes policeman outside a hotel, police said.

Lonnie Latham, senior pastor at South Tulsa Baptist Church, was booked into Oklahoma County Jail Tuesday night on a misdemeanor charge of offering to engage in an act of lewdness, police Capt. Jeffrey Becker said. Latham was released on $500 bail Wednesday afternoon.

Oh Lordy! Say it ain't so, Brother Lonnie!

Latham, who has spoken out against homosexuality, asked the officer to join him in his hotel room for oral sex. Latham was arrested and his 2005 Mercedes automobile was impounded, Becker said.

Dang, Brother Lonnie! A 2005 Mercedes? I'm guessing you put a lot more stock in all those parts of the Bible about callin' guys who lay with guys "abominations" than you do in the part of the Bible where Jesus says it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into Heaven.

Calls to Latham at his church were not immediately returned Wednesday.

The arrest took place in the parking lot of the Habana Inn, which is in an area where the public has complained about male prostitutes flagging down cars, Becker said. The plainclothes officers was investigating these complaints.

The Habana Inn?!?!?! Merciful Heavens, Brother Lonnie! I've heard stories about that place! I've heard it one of those motels were those people ... you know ... the homo-seck-shuls go to perform those vile, lustful acts ... their bodies naked and gleaming with sweat ... animal grunts and groans escaping from them while their naughty parts get all inflammed from rubbing together and being inserted into places God never intended them to go. I'll bet a place like that could even make those naughty cowboys in "Brokeback Mountain" blush.

The lewdness charge carries a penalty of up to one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.

After posting bond, Latham told KFOR-TV in Oklahoma City that he was set up, and was in the area ministering to people.

See! There you have it! I could have told you Brother Lonnie was innocent! He wasn't there looking to chug weinies or take a ride on the Hershey highway. He was there savin' souls. That dim-witted cop - probably one of them lib'rul Godless Democrats - misintrepted Brother Lonnie when he said, "Wanna come back to my motel room for some Bible study, big boy?" I'll bet prayin' for those poor lost souls was the only thing Brother Lonnie had on his mind when he suggested getting on his knees.

No doubt Brother Lonnie has started his own Parking Lot Ministry to save the souls of those poor, misguided homo-sect-shuls who are doomed to hell for all eternity if they don't quit rubbing their naughty parts together and making Brother Lonnie all excited when he thinks about it.

Yep, that must be it! It ain't Brother Lonnie's fault. Those dang homos are trying to recruit him and get another toaster oven!