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Location: Kansas City, Missouri, United States

Doing my part to irritate Republicans, fundamentalists, bigots and other lower life forms.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Merry Rama-Hana-Kwanz-Sol-Mas, Mr. President!

As one of those dreaded "lib'rul seck-u-lar humanists" the fundies are accusing of "declaring war on Christmas," it warms my heart this holiday season to watch as assorted right-wing whackjobs roast each others' chestnuts on an open fire.

And, like finding an extra gift under the Christmas tree (or "holiday tree," if you prefer), we are treated to the holiday bonus of watching our born-again president step in a pile of Christmas ca-ca because he's apparently among those evil-doers intent on "taking Christ out of Christmas."

George and Laura, the current residents of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., have incurred the wrath of that portion of their constitutents most likely to drag their knuckles when walking by sending out White House Christmas cards without any mention of Christmas. To add insult to injury, the artwork on the card fails to include Mary, Joseph, the baby Jesus, angels, shepards or the three wisemen (though, to be fair, finding wisemen in Washington, D.C., would prove to be nearly impossible). Instead the Bushes opted for sending out a holiday card depicting the White House pets - two dogs and a cat.

Now, in response, the fundies are reacting like Bush called a press conference to announce he and Laura regularly drink the blood of Christian babies they have sacrified to the glory of Satan.

From an article in today's Washington Post:

"This clearly demonstrates that the Bush administration has suffered a loss of will and that they have capitulated to the worst elements in our culture," said William A. Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.

Bush "claims to be a born-again, evangelical Christian. But he sure doesn't act like one," said Joseph Farah, editor of the conservative Web site "I threw out my White House card as soon as I got it." ...

"It bothers me that the White House card leaves off any reference to Jesus, while we've got Ramadan celebrations in the White House," (president of the American Family Association Tim) Wildmon said. "What's going on there?"

Ouch! Sounds like BushCo's base is unhappy. At this rate he and Laura might expect to find themselves on the warm end of an auto-de-fe before his term is out.

Rising to the defense of the beleagured (and apparently demon-possessed president, according to some), is Laura's press secretary, Susan Whitson: "Certainly President and Mrs. Bush, because of their faith, celebrate Christmas. Their cards in recent years have included best wishes for a holiday season, rather than Christmas wishes, because they are sent to people of all faiths."

Odd, but that's the same rationale that many retailers use to justify wishing shoppers "happy holidays" when they enter stores.

Those are the same retailers who Faux News commentator Bill O'Reilly claims have declared "war on Christmas."

Christmas and the baby Jesus must really be in trouble if they are depending on O'Reilly to ride to their rescue. It was just over a year ago that O'Reilly was fending off accusations of sexually harassing a female producer who claimed he subjected her to repeated instances of sexual harassment and spoke often, and explicitly, to her about phone sex, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation, the loss of his virginity, and sexual fantasies. But I suppose if grown-up Jesus can forgive a woman accused of adultry, then Baby Jesus can find it in his heart to forgive O'Reilly some "dirty talk."

On his Nov. 18 edition of "The O'Reilly Factor" (along with Faux newsperson John Gibson), O'Reilly made some startling claims:

O'REILLY: See, I think it's all part of the secular progressive agenda --

GIBSON: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: -- to get Christianity and spirituality and Judaism out of the public square. Because if you look at what happened in Western Europe and Canada, if you can get religion out, then you can pass secular progressive programs like legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay marriage, because the objection to those things is religious-based, usually.

So is bully boy Bill saying that Bush is pushing a secular agenda? I sure don't see George out drumming up support for gay marriage. He's come out against abortion, too ... though I'd be curious to see how strong his disapproval of abortion would be if either of his wild twins, Barb and Jenna, showed up at Christmas dinner and announced a pregnancy. There's no way he'd support euthanasia ... at least unless he thought he could get away with smothering Big Mama Barbara in her sleep the next time one of her ill-thought-out comments embarasses him. And the whole narcotics thing? Well, he claims to have given all that up years ago.

So yet again the fundies and right-wingers are caught up in their own inconsistencies. They want to boycott retailers like Target for wishing shoppers "happy holidays," but they are stuck supporting a president who does the same thing.

But no one ever accused the right wing of being consistent. Or even particularly intelligent.

So despite not having received a Christmas ... oops! I mean "holiday" card from the White House, I'd still like to wish George and Laura an all-inclusive happy Rama-Hana-Kwanz-Sol-Mas season and welcome them to the scary world of political correctness.