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Location: Kansas City, Missouri, United States

Doing my part to irritate Republicans, fundamentalists, bigots and other lower life forms.

Monday, February 14, 2005

The Boy Friend Potential Test

What can I say? It's Valentine's Day, peoples minds are are cards and flowers and expensive boxes of chocolates. It's the time of year when my thoughts turn to ... well, perhaps 'cynicism' is the best word for it.

So with no further ado, I present ...

KweerWolf's Boy Friend Potential Test!

So you think you might have BFP? (That's "Boy Friend Potential.") Take my simple test and see if you qualify!

Score 1 point for each of the following you answer "yes" to:

1. I am an alcoholic/substance abuser who is seeking someone co-dependent whose life I can reduce to shambles.

2. I carry so much emotional "baggage" that people sometimes mistake me for an airport luggage carousel.

3. I like to fall in love with someone after only two dates, move in, and then spend the next two years wondering where the magic went.

4. I like a guy who presents lots of challenges because then I don't have to focus on my own problems.

5. I'm an undiagnosed paranoid personality who will demand to know where you are at every waking moment of the day.

6. I would simply die if I didn't have designer labels in my clothes.

7. I define "relationship" as the ability to attach oneself to another like a barnacle attaches itself to a ship.

8. I insist on using the word "boy" (or its even sillier version "boi") in my on-line chat name and/or profile even though I have passed the age of 30.

9. I vote Republican.

10. Words such as "kewl" and "dude" are an integral part of my vocabulary (unlike words such as "integral").

11. I insist on using the phrase "wasssup" when I enter a chatroom or even meet people in the real world beyond cyber-space ... despite overwhelming evidence that "wasssup" is almost as out-of-date as "groovey."

12. My on-line profile features a picture of my penis, but not my face, because my penis compensates for my complete lack of personality.

13. I proudly use words like 'rebel,' 'redneck,' or 'confederate' in my screen name, despite the fact that the south got it's butt kicked.

14. I'm in the military and can't understand why anyone would think I'm a traitor for defending a fascist country that would deny me my own basic rights.

15. I'm involved with someone and just looking for someone for those times when "my boyfriend/lover/wife/significant other doesn't understand me."

Scoring: If you scored 0, congratulations. You have BFP! If you scored 1 or more, ummmmm ... well ... might I suggest you try running a personal ad?